A while back I was Facebooking about all these psyche and IQ tests I was undergoing, to determine whether or not I have ADHD. The results are in. But first, there’s this. While I was being tested over those many weeks, while I was fidgeting and testing and looking out the window and humming to myself, I also renamed the tests, because I am easily distracted. There was the “Long Wiener Intelligence Scale”, also known as “If You Give Me Another Fucking Brain Puzzle I’m Going To Vomit”. There was “The Addled Index Self Report”. Also “The Addled Index Observer Report by the Addled Person’s At Wits End Wife”. The Connor’s Continuous Performance Task became “The Brain Exploder”. The Woodcock-Johnson Tests of Achievement didn’t need renaming, really, but if I did rename it and the new name had nothing to do with male genitalia I would call it simply “Dante’s Circle of Eternal Brain-Testing Hell, Just For Me”.
Here are the results, for those following the Blue’s Brain Saga, because you care. There were a bunch of other tests for depression, anxiety, hopelessness and suicidal tendencies, all created by some dude named Beck, I figured this out because the tests are all called “Beck”. Mr. Beck says I’m mildly [read: medicated] depressed, anxious and hopeless, and utterly non-suicidal. Whew! Good to know.
As for ADHD … wait for it … yes! I do, in fact, utterly and completely unsurprisingly, have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, minus the hyperactivity, and minus the disorder, because I don’t believe it’s a disorder, but just a different kind of wiring, or actually more like a superpower. I will be going back in the coming months to learn some new skills and get better at living in you puny humans’ non-ADHD world.
And as for IQ, I’m smart.