Help Solve the Mystery of the MISSING BEER! ps: your butt.
GARDEN UPDATE! GARDEN UPDATE! Remember the beer? It went missing! One morning I went out, and the 1/2 pint jar was GONE, leaving just an empty hole in the lettuce patch! PEOPLE, WHO TOOK THE BEER??
So the other day my dog Jake broke out of the house and went tearing off after the neighbor’s cat Baking Soda (I don’t know why I call him that), and I chased him to the thorny, shrubby place where the back yards meet at the corner, and when I caught up with him I was dirty and scratched and really pissed, but the point is I FOUND THE BEER. Or at least the beer swimming pool. The half pint jar was empty, on the other side of the fence, on the neighbor’s side. Lying in a patch of poison ivy. I left it there. Because, you know, poison ivy.
WHY? WHY WAS THE BEER POOL IN THAT SPOT? WHO MOVED THE BEER? This is really bothering me.
Part Two, What’s In My Garden
because you want to know
I have planted, to date: romaine lettuce, spinach, kale, chard, garlic, broccoli, mesclun, snap peas, isn’t this interesting, onions, blackberries and a mess of flowers: zinnias, cosmos, dahlias, pansies, forget-me-nots, daisies, no please don’t go I want you to read this, black eyed susans, lambs ear and something else I’m forgetting. What I planted last year that’s still there: sage, thyme (or is it oregano?), spearmint, stay with me here people, peppermint, strawberries, raspberries and maybe a few stubborn perennials in the raspberry patch. What’s in my window, waiting for frost danger to pass: bright boy, roma and cascade tomatoes, jalepenos, we’re almost done, parsley for my mother in law, a few more flats of chard. Still to plant: canteloupe, watermelon, zucchini, cukes, black raspberry canes, aren’t you jealous of my garden, cilantro, basil, oregano (or is it thyme?), lavender, rosemary, your butt.
I know I’m forgetting stuff, and I’m real sorry, because I know this really matters to you.
Found in my garden today: a blue-tail skink with its tail missing. No wonder Bob was vomiting last night.