All of Barbie’s friends were bragging about going to Grim Trails, a haunted attraction in Louisville. Barbie has FOMO and also got double-dog-dared, so she didn’t really have a choice. Luckily, Mom was visiting that weekend and Barbie made her go along for emotional support and to help her stand upright, because recently Barbie noticed she’s constantly pointing her toes like a frigging ballerina. It must be some weird middle age thing.
Here we go, Barbie! Barbie is surprised that they print tickets taller than she is. Who does that?
Barbie suddenly feels like Carrie covered in pig’s blood at the prom, and it’s making her very nervous. This is not a good start.
Barbie can’t resist a good high-five, but when she noticed that the hand was severed and covered in bloody gore, she fainted.
Barbie has literally swung from a chandelier before, and that’s what she was thinking when she did this. It was a very bad idea. And why are there so many severed hands? Whose hands are they? How did they get here? WHY??
Oh, look here! What a friendly fellow. He didn’t say much, kind of just squealed, but Barbie doesn’t discriminate against people who don’t speak English. And look, he has some gray hair too. Twinsies!
Barbie makes friends everywhere she goes. These two kept inviting Barbie to stay for tea. She would have, if she’d thought it was the iced kind with booze. Um, your mascara’s running a little. And you maybe have a little something stuck in your teeth. Barbie is a good friend.
Barbie thought this guy was kind of creepy, until she realized she’d stumbled into Alice’s rabbit hole, and then everything made sense. He also invited her to stay for tea, and she invited him to go get drunk at a bar with her next month for her 45th birthday. Bring your friends, Bunny-Man!
Barbie was very excited to discover the Island of the Dolls. Barbie’s pretty sure the lady on top of the sign was hitting on her.
Barbie quickly discovered that the Island of the Dolls was not the Caribbean resort spa she was expecting, and she and Mom ran away. This night sure took a turn for the worse!
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
Despite the unexplainable severed hands and the impaled dolls that will give her nightmares for months and whatever the hell that thing at the end was, Barbie had a great time at Grim Trails and will recommend it to all her friends. She will definitely bring Mom again next time, to hide behind, and also she’ll bring some booze so her friends can make proper tea. Barbie was born on Long Island, so she knows what she’s talking about.